remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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