last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
