Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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