why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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