Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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