she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
