I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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