he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
