my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
