Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
