He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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