Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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