I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
