The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
