my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
