My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
40s are totally the cure
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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