i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
