I wish I could teleport
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
