How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
