Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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