I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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