Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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