who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
