Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
