I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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