thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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