My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i dont even know how to be here
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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