3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
