Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
