You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
