I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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