I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
