textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
