.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
