why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
