I just cut my nipple shaving
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
