I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
