I'm jealous of your bromance
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
