if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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