Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
