bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
