eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
as a side note pls kill me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
