i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
