Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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