Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
