i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
