I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm at about main and main street
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
