he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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