oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
