we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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