she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
