wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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