I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
