Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
